Abstract
Validation is a way to show others that we are in their corner through active listening, understanding, and unconditional positive regard.
When one shows validation, you are communicating the following:
● I hear what you are saying
● I understand why you feel this way
● Your feelings are valid and important
● I’m here to support you
Validation can be as simple as restating a teenager’s feelings and telling them that you believe their feelings are appropriate and understandable.
Why should one validate a teen's feelings?
Validating a teen's feelings is important because it allows them to feel supported and shows them that they can continue to speak to you about their problems and concerns. Validating these emotions will help your child feel less alone as they face life’s challenges, and allow them to work through these emotions with a trusted adult, which will help them when they face other problems in the future.
Validation is such an important skill, and it is often encouraged and practiced in counseling sessions. One major aspect of dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) is learning how to express and regulate emotions. You can help your child process significant emotions as they grow older by validating their feelings at an early age.
Here are a few reasons validation is so important:
● It models healthy ways to talk about emotions. You can name their emotion and give them the chance to agree or name a different emotion. Verbalizing feelings is a skill that will benefit them even in later stages.
● It reiterates that feelings are not a negative thing. We don’t want teenagers to feel like they are ever being punished for their feelings. Often this negative connotation is put on, but every gender and age deals with different emotions every day. We are not trying to correct emotions, but we can accept feelings and then work on better ways to react to them.
● It builds self-confidence and trust. When you acknowledge feelings, you are communicating that you are trustworthy. You see them and love them as they are. When they can voice their feelings, it will also build confidence. They know what is going on in their own mind and can work on tools that will help them express feelings in a way that is both truthful and empowering.
Let’s comprehend its counterpart: EMOTIONAL INVALIDATION
DEFINITION: When a person feels that his or her feelings, thoughts, and/or experiences are frowned upon, judged, and/or minimized, it is safe to say that invalidation is present in emotionally invalidating environments in childhood can have long-lasting effects.
EFFECT: The vast array of research available on the matter has shown that repeated and systematic invalidation can cause difficulties in identifying, expressing, and regulating emotions, emotional inhibition, and depression.
In the most extreme cases, emotionally invalidating environments have contributed to the development of dysfunctional behavioral tendencies, such as resorting to impulsive harmful behaviors as a means to quickly alleviate a negative emotion
EMOTIONAL DYSREGULATION: Furthermore, if a family environment consistently fails in the task of paying attention to a child’s emotions, thoughts and bodily sessions, they might be inadvertently reinforcing emotional dysregulation.
Why? Because a child might learn he only gets noticed and obtains what he might need from the environment, when his or her emotional expression escalates.
How can parents and other significant adults be emotionally validating towards their children?
Marsha Linehan, developer of DBT therapy, composed a theory of levels of validation for therapists to use in their sessions. The same theory could be extrapolated and used by parents and caregivers.
● Level one: Be present, be curious. Pay attention to what your child says and does when he/she communicates with you. Tune in when he/she communicates (verbally or not) an emotion.
● Level two: Reflect back. Be a mirror. Accurately translate into words what you observe and let your child know. The goal is to truly try to understand your child’s inner experience and not judge it.
● Level three: Reveal the unspoken. Essentially, at level three, if the adult has been paying close attention, he can articulate things that haven’t been explicitly said.
● Level four: It's a premise from which to function: All behavior is either caused by an event or it's a response to one. In that light, all behavior is understandable. It helps us understand and have compassion. It does not mean that any behavior will be approved or excused.
REFERENCES
1. Sine news.es, Division of Psychology, Psychotherapy and Coaching, Rocío Fernández Cosme,
Psychologist:
2. teen life Ngo, Karlie duke, https://teenlife.ngo/the-power-of-validation/
3. creative healing, nov 4 2020, https://creativehealingphilly.com/blog/how-validation-can-help-your-
teen-manage-big-emotions#:~:text=Why%20should%20you%20validate%20your/
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