Oldest Child Syndrome
- whereemotionsflow
- Jun 5
- 3 min read
By: Krishnika Mehendiratta
Abstract
The need to be the best before the need to rest is usually the motto of the oldest child. Being the oldest child is not an easy feat at all. The behaviour and achievements of the oldest child are set as the standard for all the other children in the family. Are they as perfect as they seem to be? In reality, they are far from ideal. They work relentlessly to get some attention from their parents, do everything their parents ask them to do, and become responsible along the way but lose themselves too. This paper focuses on the characteristics of the oldest children and the leading consequences of these characteristics.
Characteristics of Oldest Children
The oldest child has a unique role in the family and some unique characteristics concerning their birth order. In the beginning, the oldest child receives undivided attention from their parents, they may feel ‘dethroned’ by the welcoming of another child in the family (Stein, n.d). This may lead to feelings of jealousy and many oldest children are stereotyped as overachiever type-A personalities (Beck, 2014). Family dynamics and environment also play a crucial role in the development of the child (Betterhelp, 2024). The oldest child is considered the ‘responsible one’ and is placed under the high expectations of their parents (Stein, n.d). Hence they strive for perfectionism and are diligent. The eldest child may become a people pleaser by this drive of perfectionism. The oldest sibling is also considered a parental figure by the younger siblings and may become authoritarian or strict (Stein, n.d). The responsibility given by the parents to the oldest child ‘to be in charge’ in their childhood translates into their dominating presence in adulthood. First-born children are likely to assume leadership roles, display authority and are more likely to be managers (Black et al, 2018).
Issues Faced by The Oldest Child
All the characteristics of the firstborn child may have different outcomes in the future. They can have positive or negative effects. The oldest children are driven, responsible and diligent. They are constantly put on a pedestal to be the ‘perfect child’. This may
lead to a possible burnout. An eldest has so many responsibilities and expectations placed on them, still, they tend to remain calm and composed even though they may be breaking from the inside. They are their critics, and the eldest may constantly criticise themselves for being the perfect role model for their siblings. They are drowning under the weight of expectations still they manage to put a smile on their
faces and also on the faces of their siblings. This may affect their mental health (Medium, 2024). If the oldest lacks family boundaries, it may lead to anxiety and depression (Wisner, 2024). The oldest may also struggle to set healthy boundaries in future relationships.
Depending on the family dynamics, the oldest child may carry trauma from their childhood into their adulthood. They might feel lonely and struggle to open up to anyone. The eldest might never feel enough, always trying to do more, always trying to do better.
Conclusion
Being the oldest child is an experience, you learn to give, become resilient, and hardworking and you can handle almost everything that life throws your way. But it's okay to want a break, to stop being your perfect self. You are seen and heard. So if you are the oldest child, therapy can help greatly to get in touch with your feelings and all the weight that you have carried with you for so long. Just take a moment for yourself.
References
Stein, H. (n.d) Adlerian overview of birth order characteristics - alfred adler institute of northwestern washington. (n.d.). http://www.adlerian.us/birthord.htm
Beck, J. (2014, May). Study: Firstborn Children Dream Bigger, Achieve More. The Atlantic
https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/05/study-firstborn-children-dream -bigger-achieve-more/361477/
Betterhelp. (2024, October). Birth Order Theory: Insights Into Your Personality. Betterhelp
Sandra E. Black, Erik Grönqvist, Björn Öckert; Born to Lead? The Effect of Birth Order on Noncognitive Abilities. The Review of Economics and Statistics 2018; 100 (2): 274–286. doi: Born to Lead? The Effect of Birth Order on Noncognitive Abilities | The Review of Economics and Statistics | MIT Press
Medium. (2024, June). the pain of the eldest child. Medium
Wisner, W. (2024, April). Understanding Oldest Child Syndrome and How It Shapes Childhood Development. verywellmind
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