By Irene L. Solomon
INTRODUCTION-
As children, all of us have grown up listening to the classic fairytale of Cinderella. A young girl who led a miserable life because of her abusive stepmother and envious stepsisters, and was ultimately rescued by Prince Charming, who made her life perfect. In 1981, Colette Dowling, an American author and psychotherapist, introduced the term ‘Cinderella Syndrome’ in an article published in the New York Times, which was entitled the same. But, it is not a term recognized by the American Psychiatric Association.
Cinderella syndrome is not a diagnosis but a psychological condition in which a woman fears true independence and fantasizes the coming of a knight in shining armor or Mr. Right, who will take care of her and all her troubles will disappear forever. It is predominantly seen in females, including teenage girls. There is a desire embedded in the sub- consciousness of such females to have a strong male partner, who will tend to their every need.
DEFINITION OF KEY TERMS-
1. Syndrome- A set of concurrent signs and symptoms that characterize a particular condition or abnormality.
2. Sub-consciousness- It refers to that part of the mind that has the ability to direct one’s behavior and actions even though one is not aware of it.
3. Psychotherapist- A professional who practices psychotherapy/talk therapy to help patients to work through traumatic experiences and mental illnesses.
WHAT HAPPENS IN CINDERELLA SYNDROME-
Women, from childhood are taught to be sacrificial, polite, and tolerant as compared to their male counterparts. In many cultures across the globe, women are mentally conditioned to believe that without men, they are doomed. They are subconsciously driven to depend on a dominant figure, usually a male, for physical safety, fiscal needs, etc. This leads women to believe that they are damsels in distress in need of rescuing by a male suitor. Females suffering from Cinderella Syndrome also feel safe and sound being homebound, with males handling external affairs. It is majorly characterized by over-dependency of women on others, mostly a male figure. In most cases, it has been seen that teenage girls suffering from this psychological condition always had a desire to marry young, feeling the constant need for validation and being praised by boys and being too clingy.
An example has been stated as per Dowling about women who had been living independently for years had settled to live with a man of her choice. Once they were married, the women had to lean upon the man for decisions and life had just got stalled. They couldn’t make any decisions of their own, were homebound, had restrictions and almost non-existent social lives. This leads to depression in women.
CAUSES OF CINDERELLA SYNDROME-
1. Culture- As mentioned above, most cultures portray women as too fragile and too needful for protection. They promote the unnatural idea that once they find Mr. Right, everything will become right for them. Women’s freedom is undermined in most cultures and they are made to feel incapable of doing anything on their own.
2. Social media- Huge social media influencers often post about their glittery lifestyle and the ‘perfect romantic relationship’, leading youngsters to believe that they too can lead a similar life, if they find the right partner. Continuous exposure to such seemingly flawless lifestyles makes females subconsciously feel inadequate and cause them to wait for a magical transformation in their lives, often done by their ideal partner.
3. Upbringing- Sometimes, parents may fulfil each and every need of their daughter, except emotional ones. This creates an emotional void in them and when they grow up, such women tend to become overly dependent on others. They are in search of a partner who protects them with everything they have and keep unrealistic expectations from them.
SIGNS YOU HAVE CINDERELLA CINDROME-
1. Having secretive expectations or desires to be ‘taken care of’.
2. Wanting a courageous and strong life partner whom you expect to be a steel support system for everything.
3. Being homebound and zero social life after marriage.
4. Preferring to be a traditional homemaker, even though you have the capability and qualifications to get a job.
5. Subconsciously feeling incapable for earning for yourself and fearing independency.
6. Constantly feeling the need for protection by men.
TIPS TO OVERCOME CINDERELLA SYNDROME-
1. Becoming emotional independent is the first step towards stepping out of one’s dreamland of having the perfect partner who will solve everything in one’s life.
2. Romantic relationships should not be seen as the sole source of contentment. Secondly, women need to create their own definitions of happiness which gives equal weightage to every aspect of their life and not simple accept rigid societal views that devalue them.
3. Youngsters need to be told that there is a lot more hidden underneath the glamorous lifestyles they come across on social media. Parents and educators can help promote this shift by giving completely honest representations of life and success and making them understand that finding their dream partner is not going to solve their problems.
CONCLUSION-
To sum up, Cinderella syndrome is a psychological condition typically observed in women. In this syndrome, women fantasize or are caught in a false illusion of finding their Prince Charming who will sort out their life for them. Additionally, they subconsciously desire a partner who takes care of them and makes all their troubles disappear. Another important point is that if even if a women longs for a life partner who supports her throughout, it may not necessarily indicate that the woman suffers from Cinderella Syndrome. Some females are comfortable with performing traditional gender roles and enjoy a healthy relationship with their partner. It is possible that both of them are mutually dependent on each other and take equally participate in decision making, even if it is not evident on the surface. Being emotionally independent, not relying on relationships as the sole source of happiness, refraining from fantasizing about the perfect life partner and keeping unworldly expectations from them are the passwords to beat Cinderella Syndrome.
REFERENCES-
1. The New York Times - breaking news, US news, world news and videos. (n.d.). The New York Times. https://www.nytimes.com/
2. Growing Leaders. (2025, January 2). Growing Leaders - Social, Emotional Learning products & services. https://growingleaders.com/
3. Home - the checkup. (2025, January 21). The Checkup. https://www.thecheckup.in/
4. News - Latest news, election results, breaking news, Bollywood, sports, business and political news | Times of India. (n.d.). The Times of India. https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/
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