DIVING INTO PEACOCK PARENTING AND IT'S EFFECTS ON CHILDREN

 By Irene L. Solomon

INTRODUCTION-

‘Peacock parenting’ is a term used to describe a way of parenting, where the parent(s) displays narcissistic characteristics towards their children. This term has been coined by the British psychotherapist Kathleen Saxton in her book entitled as “My parent the peacock: Discovery and Recovery from Narcissistic Parenting”, which will be released in September 2025. 

In this context, the word ‘narcissistic’ points towards the parent's negative qualities, such as craving validation, prioritizing their self-concept over their children’ emotional needs, a wrong belief that they are entitled to their children's time and attention, etc. They are dangerously obsessed with fitting into the frame of the ‘ideal parent’. They excessively publicise their child's achievements just to show to the outside world that because of their perfectionist parenting apporach, their children earn accolades.

HINTS YOU WERE/ARE BEING RAISED BY A PEACOCK PARENT-

Mentioned below are a few subtle signs to look out for to identify a peacock parent. The objective to enlist these signs is not blame one's parents for pressuring them too much just to display their best self, but to try and prevent one's parents from engaging in such false illusions of being the picture perfect parent-

• Not respecting personal space-It is healthy and necessary to set boundaries in a relationship, even in the case of a parent and a child. A strong indicator of peacock parenting is when the parent emotional manipulates or makes the child feel guilty to set boundaries, especially when they begin to assert them.

• Entitlement- It is completely natural for children to expand their social circle by interacting with new people and forming bonds with them. In a general case, any parent would be happy for them, knowing it's essential for their emotional development. But a peacock parent will begin to show envy in a situation like this. 

• Emotional invalidation- Peacock parents are most likely to not validate or consider their child's feelings. They might simply be told that they're being overly sensitive or they are emotionally weak. In the later stages of their life, such children will begin to feel like an emotional burden on others and might even fail to navigate through emotional distress.

IMPACT OF PEACOCK PARENTING ON CHILDREN-

• Absence of self identity- Since the child is mentally as well as emotiinally conditioned to put their parents’ needs before anything else, s/he tends to develop an identity that is moulded by their parents’ views and aspirations. The child does not develop an identity that is solely his/hers,  an identity that is independent of what others feel and think. Due to this ‘identity confusion’, they end up experiencing inner turmoil in life.

• Low self esteem- It is possible for children raised by a peacock parent to have low self esteem. They may fall prey to deep-seated insecurity and find it hard to identify how truly worthy or capable they really are.

•  Stress and anxiety- Parents with the peacock approach use their child's achievements, scholastic or co-scholastic, to elevate their self-worth. Due to this, they might pressure their kid to always be the best or to always secure the topmost grades. Later in life, such children may overly criticise themselves and engage in unhealthy rivalry.

• Emotional dependency- Peacock parents overshadow their children's socio- emotional needs, while running a mad race to shine as the picture perfect parent in the world. This leads to the creation of an internal emotional void within the child. They are likely to become heavily dependent on others for their emotional needs. They might not set boundaries in their relationships, which stems from their fear of rejection and disappointment.

REFERENCES-

1. TimesNow.(n.d.).  https://www.timesnownews.com

2. MSN. (n.d.). https://www.msn.com

3. The Economic Times (n.d.). https://economictimes.com