By: Thea Soleil “Nine” Dona
Recognizing Positive and Negative Relationships in Adolescence: Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships
Relationships are complex with their ups and downs, therefore (qualifier) relationships are gray since relationships cannot be wholly negative and positive on the account that if it was so black and white, you would maneuver easily through them and keep positive relationships and easily discard the negative ones. However, they should lean towards the positive most of the time. (Fox, 2019)
Positive Relationships
Positive relationships entail empowerment, support, and trust that provides you with a sense of security. Daniel J. Fox, famous for specializing in BPD who especially have trouble navigating those black-and-white relationships, managed to create a list of forty positive factors in relationships. Healthy relationships in adolescence are when an adolescent feels valued and respected. This includes emotional support, respect, trust, and mutual growth.
Emotional support
Definition: Emotional support is defined as showing care and compassion for another, verbally and nonverbally. Relationship satisfaction is tied to emotional support, the higher the emotional support the higher the relationship satisfaction is. (Kong, 2023) When you are emotionally supported, it increases intimacy and trust in relationships. Emotional support can just be asking, listening, and empathizing with the other, turning towards them signaling attentive listening through body language, becoming a safe space for the other when they need comfort and security, knowing if they're ever upset they can turn to you who will stop and listen.
Mutual growth
Mutual growth ties into emotional support. A healthy relationship is cheering someone on, and lifting one another when the other is either sad, unmotivated, or afraid. Mutual growth in relationships is shown to be relative to each other's wisdom. Ideally, people learn and grow within each other's wisdom. (Auer-Spath, Glück, 2019)
Trust
To trust is to give another the benefit of the doubt, and also ties into mutual growth. Respecting the other out in public puts trust in the relationship. Criticizing the other in front of others will take away that trust. Communication should be private, and how you treat the other will strengthen their confidence. Recognizing strengths and capabilities helps them build their self-esteem.
Respect
Definition: Respect is a factor of trust. To respect is to value the other and understand their boundaries. It’s reflected in how you treat each other daily, even within disagreements and conflicts that happen in healthy relationships by respecting and valuing each other's opinions and feelings and fighting fair. You communicate honestly with each other and listen, valuing the others' feelings. Sometimes there is compromise, and you speak kindly to and about the other. Respect also includes creating space for each other and not being completely dependent on them. You also support the other’s interests, hobbies, careers, and endeavors and build the other up. You honor their boundaries no matter what.
Negative Relationships
What: On the contrary, negative relationships make you feel isolated, hurt, unsure confused, and in general bad about yourself. Daniel J. Fox, famous for specializing in BPD who especially have trouble navigating those black-and-white relationships, managed to create a list of forty negative factors in relationships. Unhealthy relationships are when an adolescent isn't being respected, may be forced and/or coerced into doing things they don't want to, is made to behave a certain way, and decreases their self-confidence. They might be controlled by a single person and disrespected. and experience emotional strain.
Control
Control is where one person calls all the shots, making all the decisions and dictating the other on what to do, what to wear, and who to interact with. Unreasonably jealous and/or attempts to isolate the other from their friends and family. Those who control do not value treating others with respect or dignity, and seek power at the other's expense/
The 10 most toxic forms of control in relationships are coercing: attempted isolation of the other, via resources of yours like finances or sharing those resources only after extracting something against you. Also includes putting you in situations making you give up or act against our values (1); demeaning through belittling (2); handicapping you by shaming/scapegoating you by treating you as unequal, thus violating your privacy and create the major decisions by themselves (3); confusing you, via gaslighting, projection, double standards, blaming, etc. (4); badgering (pressure and overwhelming you by nagging, demanding without taking no for an answer) (5); denial of responsibility, minimizing or excusing their behavior or even ignoring the issue(6); intimidating by bullying, tantrums, threats to harm you, others, leaving, and using body language (7); withholding by refusing to communicate, acting with passive aggression and withdrawing their share in mutual responsibilities, affection, talking, answering questions (8); 5 deceiving by lying, chatting, false flattery, pretending to be on your side, relying on your trust and forgetting to communicate about important messages (9); manipulation by making you feel guilty for your needs and wants, even threatening self harm and being overly suspicious and jealous, falsely accusing you of dishonesty. (Neuharth, 2018)
Disrespect
One person belittles the opinions and interests of the other or even destroys something belonging to the other. Disrespect is subtle and mostly unconscious, and erodes trust and equality. It reflects the basis of the relationship with a sense of imbalance in which the other feels undervalued, unheard, or even disregarded.
It manifests in disregarding your free time; being late that's important to the other and making the other look bad; disregard for their safety; lack of respect for mental/emotional privacy; breaking promises; devaluing opinions and ideas; belittling; mocking/teasing appearance that you’re self-conscious about; leaving you out of important decisions; refusing to socialize with your social circle; snooping; not looking out for you; financial disrespect; lack of contribution; excessive flirting with others especially when you’re present; disrespectful personal habits; weaponizing your insecurities; attempts to change you; silent treatment; interrupting. It presents as irritated and angry but secretly stems from fear and insecurity.
The fear of losing control, feeling not good enough, and past trauma, can distort communication and actions that lead to disrespect. The consequences erode trust, fester resentment, and in severe cases abuse. Disrespect unchecked can create a toxic cycle that hurts both people and the relationship they’re in. Respecting and being disrespected will lower your self-esteem and mental.
Discussion
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) claims that teaching teens skills for healthy relationships can help them know what it looks like, believe they deserve healthy relationships, and engage in positive behaviors.
When teens have positive, healthy, and safe teen romantic and peer relationships it can improve their school performance, reduce antisocial and unhealthy behavior like engaging in drugs and underage drinking, create a positive self-image for them, and help cultivate skills such as leadership, interpersonal skills, communication and negotiation skills, and their empathy.
Healthy relationships overall benefit communities in general. It builds a community of support via the engagement of children, parents, schools, and the communities they reside in. It replaces the harmful behavior that cycles and replaces it with healthy behavior.
They benefit students with the dating advice they’re looking for but can’t bring themselves to ask about and show them what healthy relationships should look like and the signs of unhealthy relationships. Healthy relationships make it easier to communicate with their family.
Conclusion
You are the person who can continue to build your relationships: choosing whether to change or leave behind the negative ones. Changing those negative relationships doesn’t mean you have to endure and compromise for it, but to aim for positive factors. Younger people in age tend to seek and value more compromise than older people in relationships. (Auer-Spath, Glück, 2019) But it isn't possible for every single relationship, and that is where you must leave it behind.
References
Auer-Spath, I., & Glück, J. (2019). Respect, attentiveness, and growth: Wisdom and beliefs about good relationships. International Psychogeriatrics, 31(12), 1809–1821. https://doi.org/10.1017/s104161021900022x
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention National Center for Injury Prevention and Control. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.cdc.gov/intimate-partner-violence/php/datingmatters/DMpromotionalbrochure-508.pdf
Fox, D. J. (2019). The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook (pp. 87–85). New Harbinger Publications. Locke, C. (2023). Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch. Retrieved October 2, 2024, from Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch website: https://cincoranchcounseling.com/improving-emotional-support-in-your-relationship/
Neuharth, D. (2018, June 12). The 10 Most Toxic Forms of Control in Relationships. Retrieved October 2, 2024, from Psych Central website: https://psychcentral.com/blog/love-matters/2018/06/the-10-most-toxic-forms-of-control-in-relationships#4
NSPCC. (2021, November 8). Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships. Retrieved October 2, 2024, from NSPCC Learning website: https://learning.nspcc.org.uk/safeguarding-child-protection/healthy-and-unhealthy-relationships
What is Respect in a Healthy Relationship? (n.d.). Retrieved October 2, 2024, from Love is Respect website: https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/what-is-respect-in-a-healthy-relationship/ Youth.gov.
(2011). Characteristics of Healthy & Unhealthy Relationships. Retrieved October 2, 2024, from Youth.gov website: https://youth.gov/youth-topics/teen-dating-violence/characteristics
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