The Complex Journey of Identity and Belonging: Adopted Teens
- whereemotionsflow
- Dec 22, 2024
- 3 min read
By: Saachi Sakhalkar
At the core of every adopted teen's identity lies their adoption story - a narrative that often begins with loss and separation. Research shows that adolescence becomes a critical period when adoptees seek deeper understanding of their relinquishment story and process complex emotions of rejection and abandonment (Alyson Orcena, LMFT, 2019). This fundamental loss can manifest in various ways, as teens grapple with questions about their birth parents' decisions and circumstances. During these formative years, adoptees must integrate their full histories and current emotions to achieve successful identity development ([PDF] Promoting Identity Development in Adolescent Adoptees, 2023). The challenge is particularly profound because teens must weave together narratives from two families - their adoptive and birth families - as they work to determine who they are (Debbie Riley, LCMFT, 2018).
For many adopted teens, especially those in transracial adoptions, the journey of identity formation is further complicated by cultural differences. These teens often struggle to make sense of who to identify with when they are the only person of their cultural or racial background in their family (Debbie Riley, LCMFT, 2018). The impact can be particularly significant when access to others representing their racial background is limited or non-existing. As revealed in research, some Asian adoptees have shared that throughout their childhood they identified as "white" and were unprepared when their peers began identifying them as "Asian" in college (Debbie Riley, LCMFT, 2018).
Cultural differences create a mismatch between a child's self-identity and social surroundings, which can significantly obstruct their development and ability to learn and thrive (Percy, 2024). The pressure to navigate between two worlds - their adoptive family's culture and their birth culture - often leads to feelings of isolation and confusion. This struggle is especially pronounced during adolescence when the desire to fit in with peers reaches its peak (Alyson Orcena, LMFT, 2019). Many adopted teens find themselves wrestling with loyalty conflicts, feeling guilty about their interest in birth parents while fearing they might hurt their adoptive parents' feelings (Debbie Riley, LCMFT, 2018).
Supporting adopted teens' mental health requires a multi-faceted approach that acknowledges both their adoption-related challenges and typical adolescent development needs. Research indicates that creating open, honest communication channels within adoptive families is crucial (Behavioral and Emotional Issues in Adopted Children, 2014). This includes allowing space for teens to express their feelings about their adoption story, birth family, and cultural identity without fear of judgment or rejection. Professional counseling can also play a vital role, as approximately 5-17 percent of adolescent adoptees receive mental health services, though they represent only 2 percent of the population (Debbie Riley, LCMFT, 2018).
The journey toward healing and wholeness for adopted teens often involves embracing the complexity of their situation rather than trying to simplify it. Parents and professionals must recognize that adoption interacts with adolescence in unique ways - one shapes the other (Cam Lee Small, MS, LPCC, 2020). Instead of dismissing adoption-related behaviors as "just a teen thing," it's essential to understand how adoption experiences influence typical adolescent development tasks (Cam Lee Small, MS, LPCC, 2020). Creating opportunities for adopted teens to connect with others who share similar experiences can help combat feelings of isolation and provide valuable peer support (Alyson Orcena, LMFT, 2019). Like a delicate tapestry woven from threads of different origins, the identity of adopted teens is rich with complexity and meaning. Their journey through adolescence requires careful navigation of loss, cultural differences, and family dynamics. By understanding and addressing these unique challenges while providing appropriate support through open communication and professional help, we can help adopted teens develop a strong sense of self and belonging. The path may be marked by moments of darkness and confusion, but with proper support and understanding, adopted teens can emerge with a deeper appreciation of their unique story and a stronger sense of who they are meant to become.
Bibliography
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Debbie Riley, LCMFT. (2018). Mental Health Services: Adoption through the Eyes of Adolescents. National Council For Adoption.
Cam Lee Small, MS, LPCC. (2023). Impact of Adoption on Teen Identity Formation | A Personal Story. National Council For Adoption.
Grotevant, H. D., Lo, A. Y. H., Fiorenzo, L., & Dunbar, N. D. (2017). Adoptive identity and adjustment from adolescence to emerging adulthood: A person-centered approach. Developmental Psychology. https://doi.org/10.1037/dev0000352
Alyson Orcena, LMFT. (2019). Adoption Awareness Month: The Challenges for Adopted Teens. Evolve. https://evolvetreatment.com/blog/challenges-adopted-teens/
Psychologs Magazine. (2023). Adoption and Family Dynamics. Psychologs Magazine | Mental Health Magazine | Psychology Magazine | Self-Help Magazine.
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