The Impact of Parental Infidelity on Children

By: Faozia Afia

Introduction: 

Infidelity refers to forming an emotional or sexual relationship with someone else while being in a committed relationship. It comes in various forms, from a one-time error to a long-term habitual behavior. Its effects extend far beyond the partner's relationship only. Though it is a painful experience for the entire family, its impact is most profound in children. Children who have been exposed to infidelity, regardless of age, carry their scars into their adulthood. They often find it difficult to trust others and form relationships later in life. This paper discusses the various ways infidelity in parents can affect children, from their emotional distress to the long-term psychological effects on their lives. Besides, it mentions the importance of parental support in their healing process. 

Emotional and Psychological Effects: 

Emotional and psychological effects of parental infidelity include emotional trauma, increased anxiety, trust issues, self-esteem issues, etc. 

1. Emotional Distress: 

Children are deeply affected emotionally by the infidelity of their parents. In response to Nogales’s online Parents Who Cheat survey, 88.4% said they felt angry toward the cheating parent while 62.5% felt ashamed or embarrassed (Nogales, 2009). 

2. Trust Issues: 

Children who have been exposed to parental infidelity, often form trust issues. The feeling of betrayal from their parents lingers, making it hard for them to trust their parents and other people in their lives. According to Clinical Psychologist Ana Nogales, 75% of children experience lingering feelings of betrayal toward their cheating parent and 70% of children describe their parent’s infidelity as affecting their general trust in others (Nogales, 2009). 

3. Self-Blame and Guilt: 

Some children may blame themselves for the situation resulting in a decline in their self-esteem. They may struggle with self-worth that is caused by the guilt of their parent's infidelity.

4. Fear of Abandonment: 

Children may be worried about being abandoned by their parents especially if the infidelity leads to separation of the parents. This fear of abandonment extends beyond the parents and affects the sense of security of the child in other relationships as well. 

Behavioral Effects: 

Infidelity can also have a behavioral impact on children. Each child is unique. Some might completely shut down while others might start acting out. 

1. Anger and Aggression: 

Driven by the feeling of betrayal, children may show sudden outbursts of anger. They might seem frustrated and angry towards the unfaithful parent which may lead to them becoming aggressive. 

2. Rebellion: 

Rebellion is especially common in adolescents who have been exposed to parental infidelity. This includes poor academic performance, skipping classes, or risky behaviors such as substance use. 

3. Social Withdrawal: 

Children of unfaithful parents often become distant from friends and family and isolate themselves to cope with emotional pain. They face difficulty socializing with peers. 

4. Emotional Detachment: 

Some children may completely shut down. They might start to bottle up their emotions in fear of the judgment of others. 

5. Attention-seeking Behavior: 

To cope with low self-worth and the feeling of negligence caused by parents, children might start seeking validation from others. 

Academic Effects: 

Children might face difficulty in keeping up with their peers while facing the consequences of the unfaithfulness of their parents. 

1. Difficulty in Concentration;

Children might find it difficult to concentrate on their studies while dealing with the unfaithfulness of their parents. 

2. Poor Academic Performance: 

Children of cheating parents often fall behind in their studies due to the chaos occurring at home. There might be a decline in their academic performance and it may become difficult for them to overcome it. 

Romantic and Relationship Issues: 

Children of cheating parents more often than not face difficulty in maintaining a healthy romantic relationship with their partner. 

1. Fear of Relationship: 

The way a child perceives relationships depends highly on the relationship of their parents. Children of unfaithful parents may develop an irrational fear of relationships, especially romantic ones due to the fear of being betrayed like their parents. 

2. Replicating Unhealthy Patterns: 

Children of unfaithful parents may unknowingly mimic the unhealthy patterns of their parent’s relationship. In Nogales’s Parents Who Cheat survey of more than 800 grown children whose parents were unfaithful, while 96% said they don’t believe that cheating is okay even if one’s partner doesn’t find out, nearly half (44%) had been unfaithful themselves. 

Coping and Support: 

There are many ways a parent can help their child deal with this post-infidelity trauma. 

1. Sharing Enough But Not Too Much: 

Children require honesty. They should not be kept in the dark. However, parents should be cautious and avoid over-sharing. 

2. Making Sure They Are Aware That It’s Not Their Fault: 

Children should be reassured that they did nothing wrong and that they are not to blame for their parent’s unfaithfulness. Otherwise, they might suffer from self-blame and guilt. 

3. Listening to Them: 

Parents should be willing to listen to what their child has to say, even if it’s expressed with anger and hurt.

4. Getting Professional Help And Counseling; 

Both parent and child can benefit from counseling during the crisis. 

Conclusion: 

In conclusion, parental infidelity can have lasting effects on children. Children of unfaithful parents might face difficulty in trusting others, keeping up with peers, socializing, forming romantic relationships, and various other things. The impact of infidelity may differ based on the age of the children, family dynamics, and the level of support from authority figures. Support from parents, caregivers, and mental health professionals can make the healing process faster and easier. By acknowledging the complexities of this issue, society can better address the needs of children affected by parental betrayal and work towards helping them heal. 

References: 

1. Kindred Media. (2015, June). Children of infidelity: How they hurt and how they heal. Kindred Media. 

https://kindredmedia.org/2015/06/children-of-infidelity-how-they-hurt-and-how-they-heal/ 

2. Chadie, T. (2020, June 18). What are the long-term effects of parental infidelity on children? Medium. 

https://medium.com/@chadie/what-are-the-long-term-effects-of-parental-infidelity-on-chil dren-23ab74787627 

3. PVA Law. (n.d.). Understanding how marital infidelity impacts children. PVA Law. https://www.pvalaw.com/understanding-how-marital-infidelity-impacts-children.html 

4. Nogales, A. (2009). Parents who cheat: How children and adults are affected by unfaithfulness. Health Communications.