By: Ashmal Khan
Introduction:
People pleasing is a common phenomenon where individuals prioritise other’s needs over their own. This survey aimed to investigate the causes and consequences of people pleasing behaviour, with a focus on understanding motivations, behaviours and outcomes associated with this pattern.
Methodology:
The survey was conducted online and participants were recruited through social media. The sample consisted of a total of 30 participants; 17 males and 13 females (all students). Survey included 23 questions (both open ended and closed ended). Same rating scale was used for all closed ended questions: from 1 to 5 ( 1 being not true to 5 being extremely true). Uniqueness of participants was kept check in through email ids. Participants were assured of confidentiality and made aware of the purpose of the survey.
Results:
The survey results show that people pleasing is a common phenomenon, with 50% respondents going out of their way to help others even if it means sacrificing their own needs.
Correlations; A moderate correlation (0.65) was found between having trouble saying no to others’ requests and feeling like one is not good enough.
Consequences of People Pleasing Behaviour; 37.9% of the respondents reported getting stuck in toxic and unhealthy relationships due to people-pleasing behaviour. 30% of the respondents reported feeling stress and anxiety in agreeing to needs of people.
And 20% participants responded feeling burn out or exhausted as a result of people pleasing. Qualitative data was also collected where most of the people made comments such as “friendships ended”, “ruining relationships when expectations don’t meet”, “people become bored of me and we become distant”, “causing attachment issues and settling for toxicity”.
No significant differences between males and females.
Root causes; When asked what the respondents thought was the root cause of their people pleasing behaviour, most responses included fear of being unloved and left alone or due to childhood isolation and societal pressure. For example: “ I used to be a people pleaser because I thought I wouldn’t have friends otherwise”, “the thought of losing someone is too much for me thus I avoid it completely”.
Recommendations:
Based on the findings and strategies provided by the respondents, I recommend:
Encouraging individuals to prioritise their owns needs and desires. • Promoting self awareness and self compassion.
Encouraging assertiveness and boundary-setting.
Limitations: a small sample size (30 respondents)
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